1. Focus on Yourself First
The biggest mistake couples make in therapy is focusing too much on their partner’s flaws. Successful couples therapy starts with self-awareness and personal growth. Instead of expecting your partner to change, ask yourself, “How can I become a better partner?” Therapy is most effective when you take responsibility for your actions, communication, and emotional responses. By working on yourself, you set the tone for a healthier relationship.
(I can't emphasize this one enough!)
2. Set Clear Relationship Goals
Therapy works best when you have a clear idea of what you want from your relationship. Vague goals lead to vague results. Spend time reflecting on the type of relationship you both want to build, and communicate that vision with your therapist. Setting both individual and shared goals can help you and your partner align on what you're working toward and keep therapy sessions focused on creating the relationship you desire.
3. Embrace Discomfort for Growth
Therapy isn’t always comfortable—it often means facing difficult emotions or being vulnerable. True progress comes when you’re willing to step outside your comfort zone, whether that means having uncomfortable conversations, confronting patterns that don’t serve you, or trying new ways of relating to your partner. Emotional growth requires you to take risks, but the reward is a deeper, more meaningful connection.
4. Put in the Work Between Sessions
What you do between therapy sessions is just as important as what happens during them. Therapy offers you tools and insights, but it’s up to you to apply those in your day-to-day life. Whether it’s practicing better communication, showing appreciation, or taking time for your partner, the small efforts you make outside of therapy are what create lasting change.
5. Stay Committed to Long-Term Growth
Building a strong relationship is an ongoing process that requires continuous effort. Even after addressing immediate issues, successful couples continue to reflect, adapt, and grow together. Therapy isn’t a one-time fix—it’s about fostering ongoing personal and relationship development. Stay committed to your growth, and you'll create a relationship that thrives over time.
Final Thought:
Couples therapy is an opportunity for growth, not just for your relationship, but for you as an individual. By focusing on self-improvement, setting goals, embracing discomfort, and putting in consistent effort, you can transform your relationship into one that is truly fulfilling. Remember, the more you invest in yourself, the more your relationship will benefit.
By Holly Batchelder, PhD