As a specialist in body-focused repetitive disorders (BFRDs) such as skin picking (dermatillomania) and hair pulling (trichotillomania), one of the most common questions I receive is from partners, parents, and friends asking, “How can I help my loved one stop?” Understanding the right and wrong things to say can make a significant difference in how you support someone struggling with these challenges.
Understanding BFRDs
BFRDs involve compulsive behaviors that can cause significant distress or impairment. They are not habits that one can simply stop at will, making empathetic support crucial.
What to Say and What Not to Say
Supporting someone with a BFRD means being compassionate and patient. Here’s a brief guide on what to say and what not to say to help your loved one feel supported and understood.
DO:
Show Empathy: “I know this is tough, and I’m here for you.”
Validate Their Experience: “It makes sense that this is a challenge, and you’re not alone.”
Offer Help Without Pressure: “How can I support you right now?”
Encourage Positive Actions: “Want to try one of your coping tools together?”
Reinforce Progress: “Every step forward counts, and I see your effort.”
DON'T:
Minimize Their Struggle: “Why don’t you just stop?”
Express Frustration: “It’s so frustrating to watch you do this.”
Make It About You: “This is really hard for me to deal with.”
Try to Fix It: “You should just distract yourself.”
Call It Out in Public: “Stop picking—people can see you!”
Remember, the journey to managing BFRDs is often long and requires patience and understanding. By using supportive language, you can help your loved one feel less alone and more empowered to cope with their disorder.